DON'T PUSH

Based on the title of this post, the picture is a rather obvious choice to continue the theme of the blog.

However, the reason behind the title of the post is what I intend to discuss.

Bradley Nowell "got slammed to the ground like [he] fell off [his] skateboard," and I have both physically fallen off my skateboard and metaphorically been slammed to the ground.

It seems lately, the only attention I get is negative attention.

"Oh my god, what happened to your arm?" is a question I've been hearing every day at work for at least a week. I fell off my skateboard and scraped my arm up a bit. Perhaps I'm reading too much into an innocuous pleasantry. Perhaps this particular instance is not one of negative attention. But in a way, it helped me relate the post to a song that also involved skateboarding, so I'm not too upset by it either way.

Despite all this, I have been drawing a lot of negative attention to myself as of late. I'm not sure whether it is brilliant, self-sabotage, a negative consequence of a negative lifestyle, or one of the low points in my life I'd choose not to look back on.

Last night, in company, I made clear that I am certain that I have not grown or progressed in any way since last September and am no better for having survived this year. (Now I'm disclosing this information semi-anonymously over the Internet, attracting just as much negative attention [if anyone still even reads this damn thing anymore].) Certainly, this sentiment is true. I'm just as cynical and anti-social as I was this time last year. At the same time, it's inappropriate to ruin your friends' good time, especially as most of them reminisce about what an enjoyable year they had had.

The past quarter was easily my worst in college. It won't affect my chances at graduating on time (though I will have to take more classes than I'd have liked to next year) but it certainly may jeopardize my chances at furthering my education. It's no use worrying about it now, but I really wish I were more rational and made choices based on reason rather than sentiment.

Finally, I banged my car up a bit the day before heading back to my parents' place for a few days before starting my new job.

Fuck.

Darren.