ALL THE SMALL THINGS

EAL is simply the worst,

To shelve books there is to be cursed.

Doomed to search all day long,

For a book that's been shelved wrong.

I'd like to scream in their face,

"No book's in its proper place!"

You wade through chaos and disorder,

To put books in call number order.

Why, oh why couldn't I have discharge this hour?

This library makes me dour.

HOLD ON LOOSELY

"...but don't let go; if you cling too tightly, you're going to lose control."

As an avid baseball fan (or, as avid as one can be without cable television), the image of someone getting hit in the face with a baseball bat comes to mind when hearing "hold on loosely". Hence the image above.

More pertinent to the lyrics of the song though, as a person who possesses no interpersonal relationship skills, I haven't the slightest idea when to give up hope that the girl I am interested in has any interest in me.

I feel justified in being somewhat unhappy that she gave me her phone number under the pretense of interest (sharing "coffee or something" [I'm rather glad I didn't say "coffee or some shit" (sorry Alison)] when she knew full well she would be in the Bay Area during the time this intended get together would likely be scheduled. Though I do accept that she may not feel that she owed it to me based on the fact that we cannot in any way be construed as "seeing each other" at that point, let alone with any semblance of exclusivity, I still think it was discourteous at some level. I am, however, pretty dramatic so I'm not sure whether or not this is reasonable.

As far as getting to know her outside the limited time we spent interacting face-to-face, I have texted her trying to reach out to her and get to know her better and, of course (because it's through text message) I cannot gauge her level of interest to any degree. I wish I could somehow convey to her that I'm really interested in getting to know her and that that's the reason I text her.

I decided to call her yesterday with the intent of asking her how her first day at her new internship was. I thought that this was a nice gesture that conveys more seriousness than a text message is able to and shows that I listen and am actively interested in the things she tells me.

But, since she didn't answer, I now feel like the weird guy whose call she's not returning rather than the nice guy who wanted to ensure that she had a great first day at work.

I've never been the type to take risks. I don't much like being rejected. I get nervous when things are unpredictable or uncertain. Given all this, I am very willing to give up the hope that she's interested.

I can find satisfaction-whether she is interested in me or not, whether she is avoiding my call or not-not only in the fact that I even approached a girl so beautiful in the first place, but in that I have been as thoughtful and sincere as is appropriate given the fact that we hardly know each other.

From the vantage point of one who is increasingly self-aware, my hope is to love the person that I am. I'm still a while away from that, but hell-a man can dream, can't he?

Darren.

HANDSOME DEVIL

I owe an apology to you, my dear friends and loyal readers, for my increasingly infrequent posts to this sporadically updated blog.

As a sign of retribution, I offer you an update in the world of Darren, and I must say life has been good lately.

I am happy to say that I feel very connected with my co-workers at YRL. The stacks crew gets along rather well within the library walls, and it was great to see that everyone enjoyed each other's company just as much at the YRL party last week. A number of my friends at the library speak Spanish and are willing to teach me, so my Spanish has been progressing (slowly, but surely!).

This summer I've also read quite a lot, which is pleasing. I've read Huxley's The Doors of Perception, Vonnegut's Breakfast of Champions, Kerouac's On the Road, Vonnegut's The Sirens of Titan and am now concluding Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises. I think the book I enjoyed most was the The Sirens of Titan but I'm hoping to read at least a few more books by the end of summer with the potential to change that.

My only concern at the moment lies with my love interest, whose untimely travels have left me discouraged. I would like to have been able to update you further, but as it stands, that's all I can really say. I hope to get in touch with her sometime soon, and hopefully this will shed some light on the situation.

That's really it for the present.

As for the future, I have given my ten year plan (and beyond) extended thought and am more excited than ever for graduation. After graduation, I plan to vacation in Argentina before settling into some office job in San Francisco (ideally at the Justice Department or the District Attorney's office). Then I'd begin to apply to law schools. I think Hastings is a realistic goal and I really hope to attend-though it's not an upper-echelon school, it's still in the top tier, and is, of course, located in the greatest city in the world. As a dreamer, I'll also apply to Berkeley, Penn, Georgetown and USC. If worse comes to worst, I'll end up at USF, and I don't think that's too shabby. In any case, I will study abroad in either Spain or Argentina-I'm glad to see that many of the programs in which I'm interested have programs in one country or the other (or both!).

I can't predict with any accuracy what will happen after that, but my aspiration to be a judge is now nearly matched by my desire to be on the Senate Ethics Committee. Ethics, in my mind, is of the utmost importance, especially in politics. Popular consensus is that the Ethics Committee is laughable-I cannot comment, as I don't know much about it. But in my opinion, the Ethics Committee ought to be revered rather than mocked. I think they have the most important duty in the Senate. If the policymakers in this or any country do not use ethics to shape their propositions, then the laws they create are in vain. I'd love to have a legacy as being the man who brought United States laws closer to the laws of ethics. As you can see, I have not fully thought this through, but I do have ample time.

That's it for now.

Darren.