When I envision the perfect girl for me, I see a girl whose fingernails are painted black. She's wearing black framed glasses. She likes the Dodgers enough that it's cute, but not enough that it's tomboyish. She's reading a good book, listening to Morrissey, or smoking a cigarette (I'm not sure yet, as I haven't gotten that specific).
This makes me question whether the girl I've met is the perfect girl for me. Her fingernails were only black before she shattered them (hers were much cuter than that, trust me), she didn't wear glasses, she didn't like the Dodgers (I'm not even sure if she likes baseball), she does read which is good, she's not a Morrissey fanatic, and she doesn't smoke (which is not a big deal).
So what about her makes me love Julia* like I do?
She is, without a doubt, among the most remarkable people I've met. (The rest are most likely reading this blog now.)
When I first saw Julia, I instantly thought she wouldn't like me. We met in class. Our first conversation was at a bar in Buenos Aires. We talked about gerunds. Never in my wakefulness did I think a beautiful girl would approach me, and never in my wildest dreams did I think she'd be interested in talking with me about grammar.
But she was.
We talked about plenty that night-I remember nearly all of it, but the details would likely bore you (and more likely make me appear more pretentious than I already do). Immediately after I took my leave of her, I knew I loved her.
As we got to know each other more, I began to love her more. She amazed me in so many ways. The way I really define the perfect girl for me is one who can make me laugh, make me think, and make me better than I am. Julia is capable of doing all three of these things.
She's so much more than funny, thoughtful and inspiring though. She's sweet, intelligent, compassionate, multi-talented, intriguing, philanthropic, beautiful and... The list goes on. It really does.
As central as her character is to my feelings toward her is the way she made me feel about myself. When I was with her-or even just texting her-I was happy. She made me very happy. She also made me feel interesting. More importantly, she made me feel desirable.
Unfortunately, a romance between Julia and me is not meant to be.
This would be distressing if not for the fact that Julia restored my faith in womanhood. Knowing that Julia exists is enough to make me happy. I know there is no substitute for her but I think that, as long as I believe there are other girls like her in the world, I will be anxiously awaiting to meet one of them.
Am I in love with Julia? I'm not sure, but I think so.
Will this infatuation fade? Most certainly, it will.
Will she and I be lifelong friends? I will make every effort toward that effect.
Will my life be the same knowing I can never have her? No. (Hey, I had to throw something sad into this overly romantic post!)
Are there other girls like her in this world?
My answer is a resounding yes. This fact fills me with an indescribable feeling. I've always hoped girls like Julia existed. Now I believe they do.
This is the most encouraging belief I have ever possessed.
Darren.
*I have elected to use the name Julia-my favorite name for a girl-in lieu of my love's real name.
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